Dec 31 2011

2011

It has been quite a year – and quite awhile.

2011 started with me starting to waddle my way through my third pregnancy. The pregnancy itself was slightly more uncomfortable than Lily’s (which was a total breeze), but overall it was a great way to start the year.

Lily truly has blossomed this year. She has morphed from an adorable toddler that was just starting to express her thoughts to a beautiful little girl that oozes kindness, love, and just the right amount of attitude. Her resemblance of me has also skyrocketed. I never fail to be amused or touched by her thoughts, her words, and her actions. Her love for her family, her adoration of her baby brother, and her closeness to me has made me count my blessings each and every day that we have been given such a precious gift of a daughter. Her immediate, unconditional love and acceptance for her baby brother has touched us. While I will miss her at this age, I look forward to seeing what she becomes.

Just when I thought there was no room for more sunshine in our lives, Desmond was born and things became brighter than ever before. His smiles, giggles, and snuggles are beyond compare, and his love and adoration for his big sister has been amazing.

It hasn’t all been sunshine and kisses, though. I found myself broken down both personally and professionally. I went on maternity leave second-guessing myself as a caseworker. I had gotten to a point where I felt nearly worthless and was utterly burnt out. Then I went on maternity leave, which started off more difficult than I could have imagined. I never thought having my second child would be so much more painful than the first. Then there was Desmond’s crying. Our poor little boy couldn’t stop, no matter what we did. I saw my beautiful Lily start to drift away from me because I was in pain and depressed. Our nightly cuddles while watching “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” quickly ceased. I found myself wondering if it was the wrong time to have another child. I found myself wondering if I was ready to care for a newborn again.  Then just before I was about to seek professional help, the clouds somehow parted. Desmond stopped crying…and started smiling. And so did I.

The four months I was home with my children was an amazing experience – one that I hated to see end. Lily just flourished while she was home with us, and watching Desmond grow was a great experience as well. I learned more about my own abilities while watching their abilities grow and change. I found a level of self-confidence and comfort that I never knew existed. I took a stand to improve my future and returned to a new environment at work with a new attitude and perspective. While I did not want to return to work, I was able to do so by reminding myself that I would be earning money for my family…for my babies. No longer was I interested in changing the world. I’ve already done that.

THEIR world is all that matters.

There are definitely some aspects of 2011 that I’d like to forget. But I know that I’m leaving the year in a better place then I entered.

I obviously don’t know what 2012 brings…but I’m off to a good start.

Sep 29 2011

Pink Wednesday 09/28/2011

So I’m technically a day late on this because my internet was down yesterday!

This manicure was made with OPI “Sparrow Me the Drama” from the “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” collection. The leopard spots were done with OPI “You Don’t Know Jacques!”  with accents using China Glaze “Liquid Leather”. There is also a little spot of China Glaze “Fairy Dust” in each leopard spot that the camera didn’t pick up. This was fun!

Sep 19 2011

Quiet morning

To my surprise, both of the kids are still asleep. Usually everyone is up and running by 7:20. I’ve been given an extra 1/2 hour of blissful silence! As much as I love my kids, this is a real treat. The TV is off, I have the whole love seat to myself, and I can do whatever I want on the computer without a little head with pigtails on it blocking my view! What is this new world I’ve entered?

I have quickly learned to never underestimate the greatness that is a husband that is only working 1/2 time. Just having him home eases so much of the typical stress that is having a 2 1/2 year old and a 2 month old in the same house. My confidence level rises simply because I know that I have his support. Even when Lily is being particularly difficult or Desmond is being particularly fussy – just having him around is such a relief. It doesn’t matter whether he’s cleaning house or playing a game on his iPhone – he’s here and if I need a break, I can always get one.

And there’s Desmond, grunting away in his bassinet…the day begins!

Aug 8 2011

1 Month (and a few days!)

Our little boy is 1 month old. Part of me can’t believe that he is already 1 month old. The other part of me is surprised that he is ONLY 1 month old!

I won’t lie – the first two weeks were extremely difficult. I found myself wondering if maybe we weren’t ready to have a second child. Literally any time Desmond would be awake and not eating, he was a total basket case and nothing we could do would calm him down. It went beyond colic or “purple crying”. There was no set time of day, no set duration, it was literally any time he was awake and not eating. He was eating fine and sleeping fine, he just wasn’t fine when he was awake, and it was quickly wearing on all of us. We couldn’t just put him in a room and take a break as is recommended, because it would literally be an all-day ordeal.

Dr. C agreed that this was an abnormal amount of crying, and that strangely brought me comfort – to know that I wasn’t just overreacting or being too sensitive. At the same time, I worried that there was some underlying cause of this that made him uncomfortable.

Desmond is doing much better when it comes to his fussiness, much to our delight. I went off of caffeine for a week and didn’t really notice much of a difference. I then went off of dairy for a week (tomorrow’s the last day! Hooray!) and I’m not 100% sure that that made a difference either. I guess it’s always possible that he just outgrew it. He still prefers to be swaddled at night in order to sleep soundly, and he still has his moments where absolutely nothing we can do will make him feel comforted and calm, but that’s okay.

Lily’s swing has proven to be an invaluable item. Lily never really liked it, but it does eventually calm Des down to the point where he can relax and eventually nap. We’ve also seen him eventually calm himself down to where he will just look around and absorb his surroundings. His eyesight seems to be developing well, and he really enjoys looking in the direction of the sky, nature, and any windows or high contrast items (such as the thick black photo frames on our bedroom wall. He loves to be placed nearby these items so he can stare at them and take them in.

He’s started trying to make babble sounds already, and it melts my heart every time I hear one of his little “oh”s or “ah”s.

He’s doing great at holding his own head up. He has such a strong neck, we are both very impressed!

I get the feeling that he is going to be quick to learn how to crawl, as he is already trying to move himself along.

He adores his big sister already. Whenever he hears Lily talking, he turns his head in the direction of her voice, trying to find her. I get the feeling that they are going to be inseperable.

I’ve finally been able to start getting some photos of him, as there are more and more periods of time where he is awake and absorbing his surroundings as opposed to crying, which is a very very nice treat. When Lily was 1 month old I swear I had about 200 photos of her. I have a lot of catching up to do!

He is becoming quite the snuggle bug too! That’s a huge treat. I missed the baby cuddles.

Lily has her ups and downs. Overall she is doing very very well. Amazingly well! But she does have her moments. At times she will start to get whiney when Desmond is particularly fussy. She will also sometimes make loud sounds when Desmond is asleep in an attempt to wake him up. She also has her periods of time where she is extra needy (like today) and insists on having 1×1 attention from one of us at all times. Those moments are rather exhausting, but not surprising.

She also does many positive things. She’s always trying to give him a toy or food or his binkie. She regularly asks if  “baby okay” and wants to know where he is if she can’t see him. She is great at giving him hugs and stroking his head and his face. She will announce to us when he is awake and asleep. She tries to help tuck him in, and tries to help change his diaper.

I think the cutest thing, though, is how she includes him in her play. Whenever there is an item that is for someone or that represents someone, she always makes sure she has a fourth…for “baby Desmond”.

I just love our little family :)